November 21, 2012

Fog is fading as the light deepens, wisps rise and vanish, sunlight painting the road a lighter gray, the leaves a brighter gold.  Most of the trees are still in shadow, an occasional oak stands out, its arms raised and spread out like a troupe of dancers, catching the wind's music.  Some tree, I cannot tell what from here, has turned green-gold overnight, its white wood now visible.  The pines hold on to darkness, their long feathered branches, mysterious, absorbing light.

The crows are out, three of them, their rough cries assaulting the air.  In the old counting rhyme, three crows are for a girl, but even the poem does not say which girl.  I have always thought three crows meant body, mind, and soul, and the conversation all three have, trying to live together.  Crows and ravens have always been part of my own mythology, and their meaning is fluid, and they have never been ill omened to me, though I know others deem them so.  And, of course, the owls, one of my other favorite birds, don't like them.  Crows are birds of the daylight, of sun oiling their slick feathers, and showing them shiny things to entice them.  Perhaps that's why I find them sympathetic, we all love shiny things, things that sparkle and gleam.

The poem this morning from poets.org is perfect for the day, something that seldom happens.  I had not read anything by John Moore before, I don't think, but now that I have, I want one of his books, and still have a little gift money to get it.  His book Invisible Strings is full of spare, thoughtful, delicious poems that have the air of haiku, that ask more questions than are asked in this one poem, but are clear as a still lake where you can see the bottom deep down and be surprised.

Twenty Questions

Did I forget to look at the sky this morning

when I first woke up? Did I miss the willow tree?

The white gravel road that goes up from the cemetery,

but to where? And the abandoned house on the hill,

   did it get

even a moment? Did I notice the small clouds so slowly

moving away? And did I think of the right hand

of God? What if it is a slow cloud descending

on earth as rain? As snow? As shade? Don't you think

I should move on to the mop? How it just sits there,

   too often

unused? And the stolen rose on its stem?

Why would I write a poem without one?

Wouldn't it be wrong not to mention joy? Sadness,

its sleepy-eyed twin? If I'd caught the boat

to Mykonos that time when I was nineteen

would the moon have risen out of the sea

and shone on my life so clearly

I would have loved it

just as it was? Is the boat

still in the harbor, pointing

in the direction of the open sea? Am I

still nineteen? Going in or going out,

can I let the tide make of me

what it must? Did I already ask that?

Jim Moore

Did I notice the cardinal while listening to the crows?  Does the cane still sprout, its white tongues wagging in the wind?  And for me it's the broom, that needs to be used more often, and not a stolen rose but for days driving past trees laden with oranges or lemons or grapefruit, yellow and full and ripe, I have thought of stolen fruit.  It would be wrong not to mention joy, yes, it would be wrong, though I am more reluctant to mention sadness.  Do we all have that one moment when our life could have changed immensely?  Do we all wonder what it would be like if we had chosen differently?  Can we love our life as it is now?  And did I already ask that, and will I ask it again and again through all the days?  It seems as we get older, we ask more questions, perhaps we need a space of time to do it, perhaps when we are younger there is so much to do that we don't have time to notice so many things, and now, older, life slower, we can take that time and ask more questions, even if we don't get more answers.

Today is a day of preparation, of looking forward to having the boys home, of the start of holidays and the long month of anticipation.  Hope if you are traveling today you have safe journey, and if you are staying home, hope your preparations go smoothly and you have fun creating a joyful holiday for yourself and your family!