March 21, 2012

A morning, windy and dark, with spatters of rain, made cooler by so much wind.  That's the only sound this morning, wind and in the distance the sound of the bay restless along its shore.  Even early vehicles seem to be driving quieter and the silence they leave behind is bigger somehow than the little noise they made.  It's one of those mornings when it's hard to get started, and, even when you do, you are left to wonder, why the body sometimes only wants another hour to sleep, or even just lie there with your brain in neutral.

It seems like the hardest part of something is the beginning, just starting out, not just for new things but for daily things as well.  Once you find yourself up and starting your own routine, things seems to go better, perhaps routine is the fretwork of the day, something we build on, the bones of the morning holding up the flesh of the day.

It Is I Who Must Begin

It is I who must begin.
Once I begin, once I try --
here and now,
right where I am,
not excusing myself
by saying things
would be easier elsewhere,
without grand speeches and
ostentatious gestures,
but all the more persistently
-- to live in harmony
with the "voice of Being," as I
understand it within myself
-- as soon as I begin that,
I suddenly discover,
to my surprise, that
I am neither the only one,
nor the first,
nor the most important one
to have set out
upon that road.

Whether all is really lost
or not depends entirely on
whether or not I am lost.

 Vaclav Havel

I am not the only one starting out on the journey to discover how to live in harmony, or get through the morning, or understand that living where I find myself, in this moment, is probably the best that I can do.  I think we are all discovering that every day, and probably need to discover it for every day.  I am not lost yet, though sometimes finding my way in this early dark can be harder some days.  I am glad the road is out there, the routine I walk down, familiar and timeworn, it keeps me in my place, keeps me from losing my way.  On dark and stormy mornings, rain against the windows and trees yielding to the wind, it's comforting to know that others are finding their way by the map of routine, that we are not lost, that in this moment all around me, people are starting their day, or finishing it.  We are perhaps a little sleepy and reluctant, but are finding that road and setting out.